Ed vs. Robster Le Monster

What’s the first thing that pops to mind when you think “triathlon”? How about when you think “Adventurethon”? How about when you think about the individual sports of kayaking, mountain biking and off-road running?

It’s probably brute strength, right?

Right. That’s why, in preparation for my forthcoming Adventurethon and journey across the world…I have challenged renowned body-builder and phenomenon of strength Robster Le Monster to put me through my paces in one of his horrific workout sessions.

The way I see it, if I can hang with Le Monster, I can do just about anything…including Adventurethon 2013.

Now, I may not look like much, especially compared to Le Monster and his usual opponents in the Monster vs… series. However, I’m pretty sure my combination of simpleton willpower, flawless beard and far, far longer hair will help me prevail over my admitted much larger, much stronger and much more experienced opponent.

That’s how weight lifting works…right? Guys?

Alright, Christmas Dinner…Let’s Dance!

Squatting in the name of the Lord…

Friday: Rounding Things Off

Pancakes be praised! It’s FINALLY the end of the working week and, therefore, time for my final installment of “This is more or less how I like to train”; a guide for anybody bored enough to be interested. So, here is Friday. Or Frīġedæġ, in Old English – so named after Frigg, wife of Odin.

The man in this image is not me. I am neither as ripped, nor as…sketchy. I took this image from Predator Nutrition and hope they don’t mind…

Friday’s big strength movement for me is the fabled bent over row, which is much less gay than it sounds. By flaring my elbows outwards, this movement works both the trapezius (for neck stability when wrasslin’) and the rhomboids, which are responsible for creating movement throughout the sagittal plane of motion (what most people refer to as ‘pulling backwards’, which also isn’t as gay as it sounds).

Should I want to row the north sea, cross Lake Windermere (again, ha! Am I right?) or rip some candy from the hand of an infant, these are pretty much my go-to muscle groups. Once that horror is over, I focus on working my shoulders through different movements; from powerful shoulder presses, through painful vertical and lateral raises.

When I can’t stand that any more, I finish Friday’s gym session with a general run through of arm exercises, super-setting mid-weight sets of triceps exercises with lighter sets of dumbbell curls and preacher curls, to round everything off.

Come the weekend, I’ll typically do no exercise except that involved in drinking and partying. Come Sunday evening, I’m back at performance wrestling training, normally exhausted and hung over. Ready for another week…

So that’s it. That’s the theory behind my weekly training. Whether or not it continues to go to plan is yet to be seen. (It won’t go to plan).

Thursday: Strength and Power

I’m nearly there!. This is installment three of four in my “I kinda try to train along these lines” guide for anybody interested in how I train. If anybody out there is actually interested, I will eat my own hat. As a man who owns no hats, I’ll also have to go out and purchase a hat. This I fear more than the eating. Anyway, Thursday – or Þūnresdæg in Old English, meaining Thor’s Day. Thor being the Old Norse God of THUNDER, storms and strength (and farming).

Thursday is my second “leg day” of the week, during which I train for strength and power primarily in my quadriceps (on the front of the legs) and my glutes (to develop a Power Ass). Power Asses are essential for the noble arts of running and jumping, one of which I am much worse at than the other. Which, however, shall remain a mystery forever.

In the morning, I head to the gym and perform sets of squats for both strength and core stability. These I perform through a full range of motion, into a full squat – I don’t really see the point otherwise.

In fact, I apply this principle, (full range of motion) to as much of my training as possible. Nothing is sillier than seeing people whack a huge weight on a bar or machine, struggle to shift it a few inches, then sit back with a self-satisfied grin. I’m not sure what they think they’re doing, but it’s ridiculous.

“What? This is how I sit! What?!”

Anyway, back to the squatting. When I’m feeling particularly brave, I also perform sets of front squats like the man in the picture there, only without his eye-watering trousers.

These place a greater emphasis on my quads, whilst developing specific strength for weight lifting techniques, like snatches or clean and jerks. Front squats are also easier on the back, which is always welcome after Monday’s deadlifting and Tuesday’s wrestling!

Free weights dropped, I then turn my attention to the machines. To start with, hack squats. There is much debate about the relative advantages/disadvantages of these. As with most debates about fitness training, I take little or no interest. Once the heavy duty work is done, I move on to longer sets of leg presses, hamstring curls and leg extensions, to ensure my legs are good for more than just squatting down and then back up again.

Weight training complete, I then feast upon the flesh of the innocent (or sandwiches, whichever comes to hand first) and head back out to the dojo where I perform a variety of explosive exercises, including standing jumps for height and distance, sprints and short bursts of heavy bag work.

This type of work is very important to my training, as I’ll explain in a different post soon enough. Thus ends a day of strength and power. Thor would be pleased.

Wednesday. Rest Day. Aaaaaaaaaah Yeah.

It’s the mid-week entry of my “This is a good way to train…I think” diary. I call it Wednesday, which comes from the Old English Wōdnesdæg or ‘Day of Wodanaz’. Wodanaz also goes by the name of Odin (O’din’t you know? <— that's a joke.)

Being Odin’s day, Wednesday is a blessed day of rest, contemplation and recovery. After the STRENGTH of the moon day and the POWER of Tyr’s Day, this is very welcome.

I try not to go anywhere near the gym, but might spend an hour of so at the dojo doing simple movement, agility and cardio training. These come in the form of jumps, rolls and bag work. It’s also a chance to practise techniques from the wrestling training from the night before.

More often than not, however, I like to do nothing at all except eat, play video games and plan world domination. It’s important for…recovery…and my mental stability. Odin be praised. He is, after all, one of the few Norse Gods anybody remembers. Him and some other guy, who I can’t seem to bring to mind. Maybe I’ll remember tomorrow…

Getting Back into Shape: Day One – The Basics

I’ve decided I need to get back into shape. The next wrestling show is on the 28th of July and I’ve lost around 5kg of good weight and seem to have collected some bad along the way. I’m not happy with the trade off…I must have been drunk when I agreed to it.

So I shot down to Apollo Gym in High Wycombe, to start the painful process of getting fit and strong again, as well as trying to develop a physique more suitable (both visually and technically) for wrestling. Despite deciding to focus on some chest and back work to begin with, I started the session with snatches. I did this because they’re a full body workout, a great way to limber up and, if I ever want to get better at them, I need to do them before I’m exhausted.

Once I was firing on all cylinders, I moved onwards – to the classic bench press. After all, this isn’t necessarily just about getting functionally stronger and more capable at movement, but about getting back into decent shape at the same time. So, bench pressing it was. I started light, however, to try and coax my body back into movements that, frankly, it doesn’t enjoy.

In what some might call A CRAZY MOVE, I then proceded to follow up the bench presses IMMEDIATELY with lat pull-downs. You see, these give my chest and triceps a chance to rest and recover for the next set on the bench, but keep the intensity my the workout high, to help me burn more energy and fit more exercise into a smaller time. It also better replicates the intensity of a wrestling match.

I then worked my way through the pec deck machine (which I maxed out – yeeehaw!), chin-ups and a varity of rows, followed by some specific biceps-targeting exercises, to capitalise on having exhausted them on the chin-ups. I finished my 2-hour workout with some 40kg dumbbell snatches and an abs session that would cripple a goat. (Seemed like as good a goal as any).

Overall, a good first session back! Thumbs up. Four stars. Well done.