Make Your Own Murorga

For the last seven weeks, I have been suffering with somethingorotheritis. I picked it up in Cambodia, threw up multiple times every day for a month and have since been incapable of eating anything much without suffering with cramps, sweats and blurred vision beyond about four feet.

This ailment has also stripped me of around half a stone of good weight, given me a chunk of bad weight in exchange and pretty much sapped any strength I once had. I feel like a pudding on legs – and not a strong pudding either.

Today, the doctor told me “I don’t know what is wrong with you”. That didn’t help. Luckily, he also took some of my blood, so the local labs have a chance of figuring it out.

In the meantime, to cheer myself up about feeling pathetic and weak, I made a quick video about a time when I wasn’t. Hopefully if I watch it on repeat, it will remind me that I might one day be fit and healthy again.

Or I might die, who knows.

The Future of Sports Entertainment

Today, my friend Lucy shared this video with me. I enjoyed it and it got me thinking about where I would like to see the professional wrestling industry go in the future. It is easy to complain after watching two hours of old men shouting into microphones, interspersed with a handful of dull scraps…but what would I change?

In this video, the performers use Lucha Libre (Mexican masked wrestling) to portray the battle between Mexican immigrants and the U.S. border patrol. It’s a simple concept (they fight each other), but it is a powerful message that unites the crowd, especially the ‘non-legals’ who need a place to cut lose and let off some steam.

What I enjoyed most about it, however, was the focus on story-telling and entertainment, instead of brute athleticism and enormous pecs. (Don’t get me wrong, the pecs were still enormous!) This is exactly what I would like to see wrestling do in the near future; embrace its inherent entertainment value on more levels than pure spectacle.

Sim Bowa is DEFEATED!

Despite overwhelming support and a powerful start, Murorga Sim Bowa was bested a second time on Saturday night, much to his displeasure.

On what turned out to be the hottest day of 2013 so far, the two men collided in High Wycombe for a rematch for the EWA British Title, which Sim Bowa lost back in March.

Sim Bowa T-Shirts Selling Fast!

After an unprecedented explosion of interest and pre-sales, there are only SIX Murorga Sim Bowa T-shirts left; three Rust n’ Bones and three Pre-Dirtified! In fact, there is only ONE adult sized Pre-Dirtified T-shirt left and it is large sized. Sorry little guys.

Rust n’ Bones Murorga Sim Bowa T-Shirts

Pre-Dirtified Murorga Sim Bowa T-Shirts

Each T-shirt is hand-painted and then hand-crushed by Sim Bowa himself, so no two are ever the same! In fact, most have a special addition like BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS or GO STRONGER YELLOW STRIPES! What’s more, there are probably flecks of sweat and spittle in each T-shirt which, legend has it, can give you the POWERS OF SIM BOWA! Unfortunately, we’re not yet sure what those powers are – perhaps you can find out for us!

Sim Bowa vs. Crazy J: THE REMATCHENING!

This Saturday, Murorga Sim Bowa will meet Crazy Johnny Jones in a rematch for the the EWA British Championship!

Sim Bowa lost the belt back in March, when he attempted a Doombutt from the top rope and landed on Crazy J’s knee… You can see some highlights from the match here:

Although Sim Bowa doesn’t understand his right to a rematch, he does want his shiny belt back… How else will he impress his peers and be allowed re-entry into the Asgard School of Super Heroics, from whence he came?

If you click on this here poster for the event, you can find information regarding tickets, travel information and so on.

Making Progress

After months of good intentions, I finally made it down to Camberwell in South London to the This Is Progress wrestling school this morning.

There, under the watchful eye Jimmy Havoc, I learned a huge amount about the things I am doing well and the things I am doing badly.

This is just as well, because I have my next match on the 13th of June and I am feeling mighty rusty.

The session itself was great. Of course, I managed to get lost on my way there, so luckily missed the first part of the deck of cards warm-up, which is tough enough without the sweltering heat we were suffering that day. After that, we ran through basic moves in pairs one-by-one, which is what most beginner wrestling training sessions involve.

Normally this is frustrating, because you spend much more time standing around doing nothing than actually practising wrestling. The difference at Progress, however, was that I felt I was learning as much by watching Jimmy tutor the other pairs as I was when I was being advised personally.

For my own sake, here is a list of things I must remember:

• Stand up straighter when giving headlocks
• Try to front bump without cocking a leg, for the sake of your hips
• Don’t grab the top rope when pushed against it
• Feed up more quickly
• Sleep more promptly and with intent
• Step across hip tosses and get in closer for them
• Roll out of drop toe holds
• Check yourself before taking shoulder blocks
• Grab the back of the neck when locking up
• Lighten up, son

Without a doubt, training at Progress will help me develop enormously as a wrestler. It is a huge shame it takes quite so long to get there (at least 1.5 hours of driving or an expensive series of trains). Luckily, it transpires that Simon of the Guild lives mere minutes from the training school, so I can head out and go adventuring with him afterwards too!

Thus is how Saturday ended. After 3 hours of wrestling, we did a few hours of climbing. Then we drank a bottle of rum in the local park and went out drinking at the Intrepid Fox.

I woke up the next day feeling dead. Dead.

Thus, the Guild.

World’s Highest Doombutt

OH MA GAWD! SIM BOWA MUST BE 50…60….70…134 METRES HIGH! HE CAN’T BE THINKING OF…

DOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMBBBBBBUUUUUUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!

There are only 2 bungy jumps in the world higher than this one. It…was…AMAZING!

Murorga Sim Bowa vs Crazy J: Official Video

Behold, my friends, an official video of me defending my EWA British Title against Crazy Jonny Jones, otherwise known as 15 of the most painful minutes of my life.

If you’d like to find out more about this match, please read on…

Murorga Sim Bowa Loses EWA British Title!

Alas, there is always a downside to fleeing the lands in search of adventure. Last night, at EWA Pro Challenge Wrestling, I lost my British Championship title to Crazy Jonny Jones, after I landed head first on his knees…twice in a row.

The first time was from the top rope, when I mistimed a Doombutt. The second was when he jammed his knee into my face and fell backwards, effectively breaking me in half.

A collection of clips from the match, filmed by my own brother, can be seen here:

(Please note, you might not be able to watch this video on a mobile, because it uses a song I don’t own. Because of the lack of adverts on mobile devices, some fat bastard at Universal Music isn’t earning a fraction of a penny from my video, so they’ve blocked it. Because, y’know – that’s the spirit of art and music, right?)

More photos and videos from the event will follow shortly. For now, I need to heal.

Defending My Championship!

Friends, enemies and animals with all the qualifications for personhood, who are nevertheless spurned by those who confused the concepts of human and person. LEND ME YOUR EARS!

Murorga Sim Bowa (that’s me, would you believe?) has been challenged to defend his EWA British Championship against the manic and dastardly Crazy Johnny Jones.

Having only really won the title by sheer chance and lunacy, this is Murorga’s chance to prove that he is serious about being a contender in the ranks of wrestling’s greatest…rather than a deranged outcast of the Asgard Academy of Super Heroics.

This mighty battle will take place at Arts 4 every1, Desbrough Road, High Wycombe, Bucks, HP11 2PU on the 23rd of February. For tickets and further information, check it out on Facebook. Whilst you’re there, you can show your support for Murorga Sim Bowa if you like…

In case you missed him winning the title way back in July, here is (most of) the match again:

2012 in 12 Pictures

All in all, 2012 was a pretty good year for me. I tried to do at least one kickass thing for every month of the year.  Here is what I managed:

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Info: this year, I completed Tough Guy Winter 2012, won the EWA British Title, bought a motorbike, climbed the three peaks, ran in the Olympic Stadium, quit my job, saw some amazing live music (including Andrew WK, Volbeat, Metallica, Tenacious D and Black Sabbath), swam in Loch Ness, completed two Spartan Races, squatted 160kg and deadlifted 220kg, learned to climb and learned lots of new sports (including jousting, fencing and judo).

It has been a good year.  I need to keep reminding myself of this.

(I realise there are 13 pictures in there; 12 are stuff I’ve done and the last one is something you guys did, by sponsoring me!)

Murorga Sim Bowa: EWA Champion!

Tonight, for the first time in his decade-long “career” (or “existence” as it should be known), Murorga Sim Bowa has won a GENUINE title! He is now the Entertainment Wrestling Association (EWA) British Champion, having defeated both former champion Dave Maddox and last minute challenger, Xander Cooper.

The night started with a number-one contender match for the title, pitting Murorga against the far more technically proficient “Man for All the Seasons”, Xander Cooper. The winner would go on to the main event, to face Dave Maddox for the championship. What Xander wasn’t expecting, however, was quite how unorthodox Murorga would turn out to be, as the failed superhero hurled himself around and out of the ring, running circles – quite by accident – around the more experienced Cooper.

Eventually, as Sim Bowa ascended the turnbuckle for his DOOMBUTT, Xander managed to cut him off and deliver a stunning superplex from the top rope, effectively crippling Murorga. However, somehow – possibly by sheer chance – Murorga managed to tangle his legs with Xander’s upon landing, pinning Cooper to the ground as the referee counted the pin fall.

As both men leapt to their feet in victory, it became apparent what had happened. They had both won. They had both lost. They would both go into the main event, for the EWA Championship! As for that main event, well – behold:

The Insanity Principle: A Portrait of Agony

During this evening’s circuit training, I managed to fall over mid squat-thrust. As I peeled myself off the mats to resume the hell, I noticed that my face had left an interesting sweat-mark on the ground. There were visible cheeks, a chin – even areas where eyes should go! It was a distinctly realistic-looking face…and it was in a lot of pain…

You see, these latest circuits are based on the Insanity principle. A contrast to traditional high intensity internal training (HIIT) (where one works very hard for short periods of time, then rests for a longer time), Insanity involves working very hard for longer periods of time, then resting for shorter periods of time.

Murorga Sim Bowa at EWA Revenge

For those of you that missed it, here is a collection of clips from Murorga Sim Bowa’s return to glory at EWA Revenge.

That’s right, not only did he compete without killing himself or eating anybody, he actually WON the match, using his patented DOOMBUTT!!  

Seriously, check it out: 

In Defence of Professional Wrestling

Photo by the brilliant J.Gardner

It’s just gone midnight and I’ve just finished my forth, three-hour wrestling training session in the last seven days.

I’m about to set foot on an hour long tube to my car, so I can drive half an hour home. Then I’ll sleep for five hours, haul myself upright, clang my way through a gym session and head out for eight hours of work.

My calves feel like pin-cusions, the insides of my lips are shredded and my lower back is demanding a gimmick of its own…

…and I’m loving it.

Sunday: Partying, Brewing and Wrestling.

After shooting a successful series of BrewDog Beer Cocktail pictures for Zoo Magazine last week, they asked me back to photograph their brew day. Luckily, I was due to be in London anyway , so I was totally up for it. Unluckily, I woke up on a floor, after a night of partying in Brent Cross – damn you Andrew WK and your inspiring, inspiring outlook on life!

Even so, two breakfasts later (eggs royal and American pancakes), I was ready to rock! The moody downstairs lighting at BrewDog Camden wasn’t ideal for photography, but I got a few shots I was happy with. After all, I have no idea what I’m doing…

After that, I drove back to High Wycombe to train with Entertainment Wrestling Association (EWA), where I worked on developing Murorga Sim Bowa’s moveset, as well as some interesting spots and highlights for my forthcoming match in June:

Then I showed, ate and – finally – slept. My first good night’s sleep this week. Mmmmmmmmmm. Next week expect: hardcore martial arts conditioning, open mic night in London, more Lucha Libre and various gym work.

20 Hours of Non-Stop Rockin

After a blissful 5 hours of sleep last night, I have now been awake for about 20 hours.

It started with a drive to Maidenhead and a train to London. I then conducted a case study with Sense Cost Consultants, which I spent the day writing up. I then proceeded to the BrewDog bar in Camden, where I photographed their brand spanking new beer cocktails for Zoo Magazine!

After drinking said cocktails (there were half a dozen of them), I trundled my way to the London School of Lucha Libre, where I trained solidly for three hours in the ancient art of “Free Fighting”, which is what the Spanish Speaking counties call their massively entertaining form of professional wrestling.

The Return…of MURORGA SIM BOWA!

A month ago, I declared that I had returned to entertainment wrestling. Well, here are my first few minutes back in the ring!

Or here, from a different camera angle:

Another Diving Headbutt

A Strange Form of Contentment…

As I sit here, at the Bounty pub, the sun warming my aching back and illuminating my beer like a shit lava lamp, I am content for the first time since I came back from my inhuman adventure in Poland.

It isn’t just because I am wearing my favourite (and only) tailor-made, black silk shirt. It isn’t even really because I am listening to Turisas and day-dreaming of adventure. It also isn’t even that I am hoping to drive across Europe and attend a metal festival on a Slovenian beach.

It is because finally, amongst the bizarre things I use to fill my life, I have found something that carries meaning to me. It is because, on Saturday night, for a fleeting few minutes, I brought back to life a character that had been too long dead. I re-introduced the world to Murorga Sim Bowa.

Granted, the world was actually a couple of hundred people who didn’t quite know what to make of the crazy man in the cape. But even so, taking up the role again

Now, knowing that it will happen again and be better every time is filling my soul with joy. And I’m not a man prone to speaking about either souls or joy…

Grand.

Wrestling: A Re-Discovery

I was born in High Wycombe. I grew up in High Wycombe. Between 2005 and 2009 I lived away, then I came back. Not through choice, I should add.

All my life, I’ve known about Wycombe Judo Centre. When I was a tiny child, my mum took me there to learn gymnastics. (For those who are interested, I also did contemporary dance at that age. I went on to play football, then rugby, rowing, athletics and wrestling – both amateur and American style ‘professional wrestling’).

Yet, since the day I was old enough to form the words “No mum, I don’t want to wear a leotard”, I’ve never returned. Until this week. Whereupon, what do I discover?

Not only does it do judo, as the name suggests, it also does urban gymnastics (free running and parkour) which I have loved FOREVER, it is also the training site for an American style professional wrestling federation. Something I was doing over a decade ago in this very town).

Don’t believe me? Here I am in 2004, in the middle of my school hall: