Burn In Heaven

I have not finished…but I am finished. I am also lost. In the Australian bush. God damn it.

I have nothing left. The kayaking stole my strength, the mountain biking crushed my spirit and now here I am, face down in the sand.

I am not getting up.

I don’t even want to.

This is the most exhausted I have ever been in my entire life. If there was ever going to be a time to give up, this is it. Nobody would blame me and nobody would be surprised.

This was a bad idea from the start – the embarrassing, pathetic start.

THE GUILDSMAN COMETH!

“If you don’t know how to kayak, you may as well give up now.”

So says this professional, in his pre-Adventurethon interview.

Clearly he has never met an adventurer of The Guild before.

We never give up.

Ever.

And we don’t know how to do anything!

Here Be Monsters: Body Building in London

In training for Adventurethon 2013, I decided I needed some help. Some advice. Some (dare I say it) training.

You see, no matter what I do to train for my Enduro Adventurethon (14km of open sea kayaking, 21km of mountain biking and 12km of off-road running) I will be totally and utterly unprepared for it, for three key reasons:

1. I don’t believe in being prepared anyway.
2. I own neither a kayak nor a mountain bike with which to train.
3. I arrive in Australia, after a 30 hour journey, less than 48 hours before everything kicks off!

Whatever I do, it is going to hurt. A lot. I therefore feel the best thing to do is accept it will be agonising and dedicate some time to learning to push myself through this inevitable pain. If I can get stronger and more powerful in the process – all the better!

Now, whatever you have read online about training and whatever little pamphlets have fallen out of Men’s Health recently, there is only one real way to get bigger and stronger. There is certainly only one way to increase your sheer grit and determination. You find what you think are your limits…and you shatter them.

How do you go about pushing yourself harder than ever before? Simple. You seek out the biggest, strongest and meanest sonovabitch you know…and try to match his workout, set for set.

That’s why I went hunting for monsters. Specifically, Robster…Le Monster.

Chronicles of Edventure!

Thus, it begins. As my first official act as the Chronicler of Adventure, I have decided to fly halfway around the world to Queensland, Australia! There, I shall begin my quest for fame…and GOLD! And BEER! And gold! And fame! And beer!

It is time…for adventure!!